Reigniting a lost flame is one of life’s most common, endless pursuits. It’s something nearly everyone gets themselves doing at one point or another, and if you’re reading this, you probably got yourself in that conundrum right now. It’s completely normal to fantasize the past, but how you handle your desires is what matters the most in the end.
However, unless you’re willing to go out of your way to make plenty of sacrifices to solve the problems that caused the breakup in the first place, reuniting should be completely out of the picture.
To finally settle on a decision on whether you want them back or not, here are a few crucial questions you should ask yourself first.
1) What caused the breakup?
People break up for all sorts of reasons, some legitimate, others just mind-bogglingly insane – from affairs to physical and emotional distance, perhaps even abuse, to the simple loss of the initial flames. Everyone has their reasons, and they are reasons they have to live with their whole lives.
Do you really want to go back to it? Are you ready to deal with the problem that was originally tabled? Think about whatever reason led to your breakup and if it’s something you can bring yourself to get over and live with since there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again.
2) Why do you want to get back together?
What forces are driving you to your decision? Is because of outside pressure from your kids or family is? Remember that this is your decision, something you’re going to have to live with, not your parents nor friends.
Ask yourself this simple question, do you really still love them or are you simply worried about the finer issues like a smaller income or being lonely? Would you get back into the relationship if everything else in your life was completely in place?.
If the answer to any of the latter questions is no, you probably don’t want him, back. You just need to be in a relationship
3) Put all the cards out on the table
If your relationship was bad right from the start, chances already were that you were going to break up for some reason that’s impossible to get your head around, but that’s usually just the last straw, not the real problem.
If you feel sad because you really did end it over something as trivial as a forgotten birthday, ask this crucial question – ‘Why did you really break up?’ Chances are, the problem was rooted farther inside the relationship than a simple slip-up
4) Is the problem chronic?
Is he/she perpetual liar? A serial adulterer? Do they simply have no control of their anger and no matter what you do there’s just no helping them? Have you given them a second chance before and they already betrayed you?
If the answer to any of the above questions, or any like it is yes, chances are they are never going to change and the effort really isn’t worth your time. No matter what they say, pack your bags and leave.
5) Can you absolutely forgive them?
If you’re completely certain that they’ve changed and you can trust them, are you willing to forgive them for whatever they did? Did they apologies and mean it? That’s really up to you to decide.